Funny Emails you get!

[Lord_Mew]

post funny emails you get so that we can all laugh at them... restrain yourself from putting those mushy, sentimental, stupid mail chains...

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Customer:     "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator:     "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer:     "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator:     "Sir, they are our opening hours"

 
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Samsung Electronics
Caller:          "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator:        "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller:          "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator:        "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
 
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller:     "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?"
Operator:   " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
 
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ) "If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?
 
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Directory Enquiries
Caller:            "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator:          "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller:            "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:        "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller:          "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".
 
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
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Tech Support:      "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer:          "OK".
Tech Support:      "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer:          "No".
Tech Support:      "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer:          "No".
Tech Support:      "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer:          "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
 
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Tech Support:          "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer:              "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller:  "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller:           "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator:         "What sort of trouble??"
Caller:           "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator:         "Went away?"
Caller:           "They disappeared."
Operator:         "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller:           "Nothing."
Operator:         "Nothing??"
Caller:           "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller:           "How do I tell?"
Operator:         "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller:           "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller:           "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller:           "What's a monitor?"
Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's  on??"
Caller:           "I don't know."
Operator:         "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes  into it. Can you see that??"
Caller:           "Yes, I think so."
Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.   
Caller:           "Yes, it is."
Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller:           "No."
Operator:         "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller:           "Okay, here it is."
Operator:         "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller:           "I can't reach."
Operator:         "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller:           "No."
Operator:         "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller:           "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator:         "Dark??"
Caller:           "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator:         "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller:           "I can't."
Operator:         "No? Why not??"
Caller:           "Because there's a power failure."
Operator:         "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"   
Caller:           "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator:         "Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller:           "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator:         "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller:           "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator:         "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

[StrikeFlo]

Some of these are really... laughable 
Life in hotlines would be boring without guys like that 

[ChiSon]

in my box,all AD have no fun to look at(maybe i have no love with words...ignore a lot)

sounds like you got to be careful of them(as if those letter see on TV,make themselve looks like they know you)

[Lord_Mew]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The  first of the twosome Teed Off and watched in horror as her ball  headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.  Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his  hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to  roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.  She then explained that she was a physical therapist:
"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I  could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him  earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnoo, I'll be all right.... I'll be fine in a few  minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in a fetal position  still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted: and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took  his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put  her hands inside, beginning to massage him.

"How does that feel?" she asked.
"It feels great." He replied. "But my thumb still hurts like hell!".

[ChiSon]

do you recieve funny e-mail every day...i wonder!?
sounds like those chatting software sold you soul.w.

[Lord_Mew]

my dad gets a lot of crap on his mail, and he feels the need to forward them to me

[ChiSon]

my dad gets a lot of crap on his mail, and he feels the need to forward them to me

soo.you dad is the funny agency (computer die out a lot!?)

[StrikeFlo]

I don't think he has to be in such companies, a lot of people are sending their friends such messages, just because they are funny 

[Lord_Mew]

Four Great Short Stories!  Here are a few military comebacks...

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was
asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just another example of empire building' by George Bush.
He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent
many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for
freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.

It became very quiet in the room.

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Then there was a conference in France where a number of
international engineers were taking part, including French and American.
During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have
three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck... We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

Once again, dead silence.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.
At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

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 AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...

A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on
a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in
his carry on. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
 The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any ####  Frenchmen to show it to.